Story of Ayesha
This is a story of an inspiring person, story of Ayesha knowing a person’s story also means that you understand how ‘knowing a person’ builds a personal connect. And once you have that connect, you will know that you are not alone. Everyone has a journey to carve, and more or less, each of the journeys strike an amusing similarity. It may not be exactly the same, but it is nearly about. I am sharing my journey here and look forward to hear about yours from you. My earlier life right through college was a breeze with having little to no responsibility. This propelled my carefree soul and I floated like a “Bindas Bird”. My life revolved around meeting friends, feasting on yummy treats, and exploring my homeland Goa. I remember so many times when I spontaneously decided on travelling to new places – without having a confirmed ticket and at times even without packing my essentials In 2006, the “Bindas Bird” in me wanted a direction and my heart desired an independent life. And so, with a degree in MBA, I left Goa and moved to Bangalore where I soon bagged a job in a reputed training company. Bangalore embraced me with strong arms and opened a whole new world for me. My colleagues were wonderful, some of whom I am still friends with; I was living on my own battling my fears, honing my strengths, and managing financials for the first time; the office-designed personal development trainings boosted my career growth. All in all, life was running great and I couldn’t be happier. Or so I thought… September 15th 2007 jolted the merriness out with a personal tragedy. As the city celebrated Ganesh Chaturthi; I lost my mother to freak negligence by the medical doctor that was operating on her for tonsillitis. Suddenly, Bangalore felt strange. My bereaved father, my shocked sisters, my mourning family was in Goa. They needed me, and perhaps, I needed them more. Without a second thought, I quit my job and returned home. The loss was so insurmountable that focusing on the mundane daily chores was the only way to keep ourselves sane. It broke my heart every time I saw my hero, my father teary-eyed and my little sisters cry for their mom. But I couldn’t shed a tear, I had to stay strong. That’s how my mom would’ve liked. It took two long, painful years for us to be able to say “I’m OK” again.
Year 2009 brought a fresh wave of life when I enrolled for Hypnotherapy. I also resumed work as a lecturer in Human Resources in a reputed management college in Goa. Life was coming back on track for all of us, and in Hypnotherapy, my lost heart had found a direction again. It eventually led to establishing my own Centre for Therapy in 2011. Along with it, I also continued working as a guest faculty in various management colleges in Goa and Mangalore. Though the centre soon dissolved due to disputes with my partners, I learnt a lot from it. Wedding bells jingled for me in July 2012. He was the quintessential tall, dark and handsome who brought a sparkle in my dad’s eyes and a smile on my lips. It was a dream white wedding with loving friends and doting families showering their blessings, and violet orchids on display. But haven’t we heard, “Dreams shatter”. And so did this one. Our marriage couldn’t survive a day beyond 3 years. Though the sourness was visible pretty early on, I never knew it would end up being this soulless one day. But life goes on, doesn’t it? After all, I needed to have the strength to keep sailing And no, it wasn’t as simple as writing it down is. I searched for knowledge givers, online and offline, to seek my answers. The vast ball of emotions that I was bottling up because I had no one to express them to, had begun to chew on me from inside. I felt lost, angry, helpless and sad all the time.
And you know what the worst thing was? This ball of emotions kept growing and becoming bigger by the day. A small gesture or an innocent word had the potential to trigger it. And these emotions are mean to you. They generate nasty thoughts that compel you to take extreme steps. One winter forenoon, one such thought had shrouded me. It was compelling me to just leave. Leave everything and go away. Not sure where, but just go. Leave. Suddenly, something tugged on my foot. Still drowsy with the thought, I looked down. It was my little munchkin – my son – perhaps the only reward from my marriage. He had crawled across the room towards me. I lifted him up and placed him on my lap. He looked up at me with his round beagle eyes and toothless smile. I couldn’t believe that a moment ago I was contemplating on leaving this angel I still dislike myself for having crossed that thought. And so I took it upon me to make my world happier once again. Therapy became my best friend, and has been ever since. I devoted myself to healing and still continue to learn the modalities of healing for effective experiences. Today, I can proudly say that I am back to being the “Bindas Bird” who found joy in all things and loved to travel. The only thing that has changed is that now I have clarity and am adept at dealing with the hardships that life spins at me.
Life will be however it is meant to be. And we cannot do much about it. But what we can is to find a way to learn and see the gifts it holds. Don’t shy away from making a good life great with additional clarity and a little help. So, tell me about your journey. This is Ayesha Signing Off, Hoping you a happy health & a Life ahead!